As I was reading my birthday card/site, I had the sudden urge to write.  I delayed it a couple days since I've had to work, but here goes.

First, TY!!!! and cookies to the people who wrote it (not that they read this) and to Michael especially for the sort of surprise.  Yay cookies! *nom nom*

As I was reading it, I was completely and utterly amused by how typical the comments were.  Ace wanting to kill me, Johnny with his f8, Lilac's gpq obsession, Cam's "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?!?!?!"  And Michael's obsession with bondage.  (Lol pops.  It feels like I lvl'd irl).  But I was also struck by how well I know them, and how much I like them, considering I've never met any of them.  I don't even know what most of them look like.  I don't know what they sound like, what they like to do in their spare time (that doesn't involve us, lol).  I know ace is emo sometimes, but really more like homicidal now, cam likes to talk about people, lilac likes to draw/write...but really, how well do I know any of them?

On the other hand, I feel like I know them better than a lot of people I've met irl.  Johnny's girl problems (issues, I guess...not quite problem yet), family life, career aspirations...and it's weird, because we almost never talk about personal stuff.

Though admittedly, I'm different online.  I certainly wouldn't have gotten a reputation of stealing all the girls away from their hubbies irl.  ^__^;  And the seducing every alien I come across...only if they're hot. ^_~

So who knows how well I really know them?  But regardless, if I could, I would really like to meet them in person.  I want to put names to faces, and voices.  I want to tease cam and laura and ace about being young.  I want to be like, "pops, omg, you're huge!  Do you take steroids?"  (on that note, lucky Johnny, they might meet when Pops comes to the US).

Speaking of pops, I don't even know his real name.  And where are those pics, cam?!

Anyway.  It's just random musing about the best friends that I've never seen, I suppose.  And to Brenda, if you're reading, go let your bro meet new people on neopets (within safe limits, of course).  There's something so immensely rewarding about belonging to a group, even if you don't know then personally (physically?).  I know whenever one of my friends leaves, I f4 a lot.  In game, admittedly, and not irl.

Mem's really hot.  Lol, the last comment reminded me of her, and I saw an album with her in it on fb.  New pics, yay.

I really feel like some days, I log on for them.  Not for nul (or lolpyro), but for my guildies and allies, who can make my day with a couple lines (or a cheesy poem).

So thanks guys.  I less than three you too.

I was reading through some stuff I wrote.  First thought was 'wow, I've definitely gotten better at some of this stuff...' and 'o.o that was kind of hot.'  That was from reading the last scene, kind of prepping for writing more.  Then I went back and read all the fun stuff.  Reading stuff I've written (not-shitty stuff, that is) makes me happy.  But anyway, I got to the end of what I've got so far and I had this really quick, like, microsecond flash of thought.  It pointed me toward a fic.  But I have no idea which fic, or what the thought was.  It just...came, and went.  (Angel: let's just say, I come and it goes)

I think I tend to get focused on not-plot-related stuff though.  When I start writing about something, I kind of throw myself into it, and a LOT of that particular emotion or whatever comes out.  And then later, I read it again, and i'm like, do they do anything else?  Sometimes they'll have the same argument like, 3 times, and I'll just be like, 'didn't we already cover this...?'

Why can't I find a good song on iTunes?  -_-;

I kind of wish someone would write for me though.  I've got all these ideas, but putting them down is so much harder.

I also have this problem where I don't know how far I want to go.  Or sometimes, where I want to go, or how I want to get somewhere.

Perhaps I just have this God complex.  Because that's what writing is, isn't it?  And really, reading fics too, but writing especially.  You control everything (except when the plot bunny attacks and then, really, you control nothing).  You want something to happen, you just make it happen.  And fics...it's just cuz I don't like where something went.  So I go find something where it goes the way I want it to go.

Heh, Godmode.  I've totally lost all serious thought now (it's been like, 4 hours since the last paragraph), so anything I say now will just be asinine.

Damn, physics did not go as well as I had hoped.  Looking for a straight-up B now (I was hoping for a B+ before...).  Knew I couldn't get 12, but I was hoping for 10+.  Got an 8 instead.  f3

Okay, a little distressed that saying f3 comes so naturally now.  <_< >_>  Next couple of weeks isn't gonna help much...no school next week (lmpq ftl...), no lab the week after, no tutoring and no lab the week after that, plus first couple weeks of school=lots and lots of lvling on pyro.  Maybe.  Wanna lvl nul too.  Everybody else can kiss my ass.

God, I hope I did well in bild.  T__T

Of course, I'm like, gonna do better next quarter right now.  But of course, by 4th or 5th week next quarter, I'll be slacking again.  *sigh*  Why am I such a noob at life?  Leeech me pl0x.

DLing Mass Effect.  I was almost gonna buy it (cracking sounds like hit-or-miss at this point), but then I read all the reviews on amazon that were like omg DRM f555555.  And then I decided I should just dl and not have to worry about it.  Because yeah, ridiculous that you can't get rid of the activation on one comp.  At the rate I'm going though, it's gonna take me all week.  Hopefully it'll get better during the week.  but of course, I'm gonna be lmpqing during the week, so...we'll see.  <_< >_>

Ugh, every time I get my hair cut, it's cut just a little too short, so it bothers the back of my neck.  Just inside the hood of my sweatshirt.  Rawr

On a happier note, my mom told me about the jacket that I bought over winter break and forgot to bring to SD.  It's really soft. <3

Let's all just pray for me to do well in bild.  And ochem (both of them).

Michael, you don't have to read every single entry.  Especially the day it comes out.  You're not going to unlock the secrets of my mind, and it's hardly Pulitzer-worthy writing (not that I like books that have won Pulitzers.  Not fond of reading social commentaries, though I seem to write an awful lot of them).

Anyway, I had iTunes on shuffle, as always, and a sera myu song came on.  And the title translates something to like, everyone has someone who loves them.  And it's particularly poignant in that particular myu because of the weird side-plot with the kittens (there was one that was obnoxious).  But it reminded me of all the people who talk about SM and how it teaches these important values to kids.  I totally agree, by the way.  In some ways, it's the archetypical anime.  But it came around the time having heroines rather than heroes was becomining popular (let's face it...Tuxedo Kamen got into as much trouble as he got Moon out of.  And while he looked a lot hotter getting them out of trouble, his one-liners were awful and he had basically no powers), and I think it kind of advocated feminism at a time when it wasn't really around that much.  We talk about feminism as a college or older crowd.  How many 5-year-old feminists do you know?

But while it advocated girl power (admittedly, running around in short skirts and heels was a bit counter to this feminism thing, but hey, you can't have everything), it constantly drilled into young, impressionable minds this idea of love, justice, and peace.  You need the first two to have the third.  And you've got these eight teenagers giving up their lives for that.

A lot of anime, I think, gives the protagonist a personal vendetta.  Naruto, Bleach, FMA...let's not even get into Pokemon and stuff of that caliber.  They all have something they want to do, something that drives them to do what they do.  It's not often that the protagonist sacrifices because it's the right thing to do.  Sure, you've got Uranus and Neptune with their 'this is something only I can do', which is true (truer than they'd know...), but really, it comes down to them understanding duty.  How many kids understand duty?  Responsibility?  We know to say sorry when do stuff wrong.  We know when we're supposed to do our chores, we should do them or risk punishment.  But I think doing something because it's the right thing to do, even if you don't get any thanks for it...that's really hard for most people.  Even stuff like charity, where you're technically toiling away for someone who perhaps won't ever thank you...there are some things inherent in any successful charity that make it so it's not without reward.  Fame...you need to spread the message.  If you're good, you get lots of attention, and therefore lots of donations.  Plus, you tend to get paid in larger charities.

Fate/Stay Night...even though Shiro drove me crazy, and hell, so did Saber...(the music came up, by the way, I'm not totally random) Shiro's always advocating his sense of justice.  He was a chauvanistic, almost misogynistic dick in some senses, but I think it was just because that's how he was raised.  He wanted to protect everyone at cost to himself.  Hopefully, he's just bad at articulating it, and he's not really like, you're a girl, you can't do this.

Anyway, the point is, there are some anime out there that are worth showing your kids, I think.  SM...god, there are 200 eps, but it was so worth it to get to ep 200.  Sure, I could've skipped probably 100 eps and not missed much, but there's this sense of closure when you get to the end of 200 and they finally, finally have a happy ending.  Of course, each season ends on a happy note (though with some foreshadowing to the next season), but ep 200 was just The End.  Everyone who should be together is together (okay, no they're not.  The Inners need to get together), the greatest force of evil has been diverted, and they can look forward to living basically forever.

All those good life lessons, and no blood.  What more could you ask for?  Other than maybe some better attacks.  Chibi Moon's attack was lololol.  One of Moon's heart-shooting attacks was like, omg wtf too.

It reminds me of that poster you see sometimes in classrooms: all I need to know in life I learned in kindergarten.  Or something like that.  Might be quite true.  Who needs calculus?  Sharing's way more important.

*sigh*  There's a very good reason why we don't share data in lab.  At least one group always has fucked up data.  And that messes up everyone else's data, and now I can't make heads or tails of anything.  -_-;

Brief blurb tonight, I guess, since it's late and I really should sleep.  I just couldn't resist.

I was going through reviews (still) and I found the link to this fic that I started once, and then stopped because I couldn't handle the character...development, I suppose.  It was a post-FIN fic, which I normally wouldn't touch (hell, I barely do classic), but I tried it out anyway.  Read a bit, and then realized...if the soulmates aren't going to be together, if G is going off with some Moroccan captain...I don't want to keep reading.  I skipped to the end and they end up together (the right couple), but as I was scrolling through the story to the end (lots of pages, so hitting end didn't help that much), I caught a couple of words that clearly indicated they were having sex.  And despite the 'happy' (yeah right) ending, I couldn't bring myself to read the whole thing to get there.

It's unrealistic, but I expect my fics to go a certain way.  The right people have to end up together.  It's okay if they're with other people in the beginning/middle, as long as it leads them to the proper person.  They have to be happy at the end with the person though, and I didn't like at all the fact that the captain sacrificed herself so they could be together.    I know, it gets her conveniently out of the way, but it just didn't make sense to me.

Plus, I'm reading for the development of the relationship of the main couple.  I want the story to lead to them getting together or something like that.  I don't care for development of the side couple, I don't want to know how happy they are, and I certainly don't want them getting in the way of the proper pairing's happiness.  It's just so frustrating, especially the way this fic was set up.  I don't think G would've done it.  It hurt a lot, yes, to lose her soulmate.  But I think as long as they were together (sort of), I don't think she would've accepted comfort in anyone else's arms.  She's sort of a masochist, or she wouldn't have lasted through all those seasons.  I wanted her to take what she could get, even if it hurt, even if it led her down a dark, cold path, because I thought she would remain loyal to the end.

Maybe it's just me.  I would've accepted sexual tension.  I would've accepted close calls and maybe even a drunken tryst or two.  But actually falling in love with someone else...that's unacceptable.

Is it so unreasonable to expect that a fic, a fic with a happy (sort of) ending, would be able to keep them in love with each other?  And yes, I know there's the whole 'your heart is big enough for more than just me,' but I think that's crap.  If you can love two people equally, at the same time, should you really be with either one?  Seems to me like you're half-assing it.

Or maybe it's the fic I read before that.  But no, I don't think it's that.  Because that's what I expect.  I expect that if they're in love with each other, it's just them.  No third party who intrudes and is 'equal'.

Too romantic?  Perhaps.  Nice to think about though.  And there is so much I could get into on that topic, but it's 2 in the morning and if I start, I'll talk until 3.  At least.  Too many fics will do that to you.

But is it too much to ask for to find someone who will be like that?  Who can be that good to you, that good with you?  I wonder about it sometimes.  And I look around, and I always get depressed.  How many couples have you met that are truly, truly happy?  Like, long-term happy, not new relationship happy.  I see contentment.  I see a lot of ambivalence too.  It makes me sad.

Going to bed will make me happy though.  ^__^